The worst is when the night is restless and you lay in bed,
Trying to sleep but you cannot,
Your mind is finally at work, rather it goes berserk
And then you know that the moment has come,
your true self unleashes,
The masks of the day are coming off
And a face,
full of hate or fear,
jealousy or craving.
digust or tears appears
Your true feelings are being unraveled
And they are overwhelming you…
But what do you do when instead of discovering feelings you discover nothingness, you are just empty, without purpose or emotions, you just let things happen and stay indifferent, You feel no love, no hate, no care in the world, and you know something very important is missing. But no matter how many sleepless nights passes by, no matter how hard you try to change, you don’t seem to value anything enough. You just live for the sake of living.
Oddly, this seems more pitiful than all those people who cannot sleep because they care too much. And I feel envious, I wished i could feel the pain or the anger they feel. I wish i could agonize like them over their unsettled emotions. But instead i just lay in bed and stay as i am. Empty… it is calm, but it isnt peaceful.